Friday, April 4, 2008

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Well ladies and gents, I finally sold the house and managed to make myself a pretty phat chunk of change. I won't reveal exactly how big that chunk is here on my blog cuz I don't want any crazy blog-fans out there trying to put a cap in my ass for the dough. So now that I am such a high roller I have no idea how to spend all the money! A few days ago I attempted to waste a bunch of it on a shopping spree at Target but the most I could manage to get rid of was $35.29. Wouldn't you know it?? When I'm broke as a joke I can't get out of Target without spending less than $100 and now that I got money to burn I can't even drop a Benjamin. And I don't even know if that $35 counts because I spent it on necessities like Windex and toilet paper. What kind of shopping spree is that?!?!

I've decided to pay off the rest of my sweet new ride so that I don't end up paying for it twice in interest, but that still leaves a good amount to burn. I also have to pay of the unbelievable $5000 it cost to have movers bring all my belongings out to Texas. The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure that everything I own doesn't near amount to $5000. I definitely could have bought all new for that much. And that doesn't even include the investment I made in my liquor collection because stupid Mayflower won't move open bottles. Oh well.

So things are going good in Dallas. Doc is much happier at the new place and I think he is going to lose some weight because the apt has a flight of stairs the two places he spends most of his time, the litter box and the food bowl, are on different floors! Fortunately, my mom and aunt came out to help me set up the new apartment. And thank God they did because if they didn't I pretty sure I would be sitting on the couch amongst 400 boxes unable to find a damn thing for the next 6 months. I could not believe how many boxes there were and how much crap I have accumulated over the last 4 years. And the movers pack absolutely everything. I mean, they taped up my dirty laundry basket in a box. It was like Christmas pulling stuff out of the boxes cuz I found stuff I didn't even know I own.

It's really weird renting again after owning my place for 4 years. I had to ask the landlady if I could paint the walls and then of course she wanted to approve the color and yada yada yada...I was like, I'm over this already. There are a few perks though that I had forgotten about. When the toilet broke I called a plumber to come fix it and then remembered that I don't have to pay for that crap anymore so I just subtracted it from my rent. Woohoo!

Here's my latest installment on the man hunt front. Right before I started writing this blog I called my Mexican fix-it man to come over and tune up a few things for me. He's a real jokester. The first time he came over he put some kind of remote controlled fart maker under the cushion on the sofa and everytime my mom bent down to pick something up we all heard a huge rip roarin fart. It was actually pretty funny. Anyways, today when he was finished with everything I asked him how much I owe him and he told me it was up to me. I told him that was ridiculous and to please just tell me how much I owe him. To make a long story short, I now have to go on a date with my divorced 35-45 year old Mexican fix-it man with a child. Awesome. Oh, and being Mexican he is of course, shorter than me. We all know how much I love that.


Thursday, February 7, 2008

Men of Dallas

So I thought that when I moved to Dallas there was going to be a whole new world of men open to me and I would meet the man of my dreams instantaneously. Well after going out on the town several times now looking my finest I am not sure this is going to be possible. I was imagining swaggering up to any bar in town and knocking back a cold one with one of many cowboy boot wearin’ tall, dark, handsome fellas all the while talking about what its like to own an oil refinery. The one small problem is that all the men here are gay. Or....they at least look gay. It may be that I’m living in the uber-chic section of Dallas known as Uptown, but all the men here are of the wine smelling, hair gelling, designer clothes wearing variety. I can’t pick out a straight guy from a gay guy to save my life. The thing is, I think all the women here are attracted to that.

Prime example. A few weekends ago I was out at a birthday party when a tall, dark guy wearing a trenchcoat and more product in his hair than was in mine walked up to me, leaned in, and asked “So, what kind of perfume are you wearing?” I gave him bewildered look and replied, “Maybe Baby by Benefit.” To which he nodded “Oh, yeah” as if he was very familiar with the smell. So I said “Did you already know that??” And he replies “Yeah of course. Smells great.” At which point I turn my back to him praying to God that he will just walk away and never speak to me again. I am not sure which I was more turned off by – the fact that he might have actually known what perfume I was wearing, or that he was lying about knowing what perfume I was wearing, or that this was what he actually decided to use as his pickup line. Most alarmingly, after he walked away I turned to my girlfriends from Dallas and said “Yall don’t even know, I attract the biggest weirdos.” To which they replied, “What was wrong with him?? We thought he was totally hot.” Ugh.

Later that night my super shit faced friend Jessica (whose birthday it was) told me that I should totally go bump into the guy in the black shirt sitting at the bar because he was super hot. So I mosey over and toss my hair at this guy and the minute he introduces himself to me I know this was a mistake. Not only is his hairdo so hard from gel I’m certain it wouldn’t move in a tornado, but he also has braces on his bottom teeth. Talk about a turn off. Being the big wussy that I am though, I end up talking to him for next hour about what it’s like to be in commercial flight school at the age of 28 and giving him my digits. So now I am lucky enough to get a daily reminder of the evening everytime my phone rings.

I never thought I would miss the baseball cap wearing, beer drinking men of South Carolina but at least I knew they were interested in me and not my friend Dave!! I’m headed out on the town this evening so I’ll let you know what gems I meet tonight.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

A New Day

So I am finally surfacing from my new job to give you an update on my life. Everything is going pretty well, but like any job its frustrating getting the hang of how everything works and where everything is. It doesn’t help that Parkland is an enormous hospital so being my directionally challenged self, its frustrating just trying to find the bathroom. All in all, my new job is MUCH different that my old job. There are, of course, plusses and minuses to this. Everyone in the OB/GYN field has heard the phrase “the Parkland way.” When I was interviewing here for residency I kept hearing the faculty say that everything is done “the Parkland way” and I noticed how protective they are of it. This program is so huge that it works best for everyone to practice the same way so that we can easily change shifts and not too much needs to be discussed. I understand this, but “the Parkland way” is weird and not how obstetrics and gynecology is practiced anywhere else in the world. It’s kinda like - this is the way we do it here and it has been done like this for years and years and we are not sure why we do it but you better do it too. anyone reading this at my old program all I have to say is the grass is always greener. So far, this is what I have found to be the pros and cons:


1. The hours. This is a big one. The hours are way better at Parkland. There are so many residents that we all work in shifts and the longest shift I have worked and probably will ever work is 17 hours. This is crazy seeing as how I used to pull 24-30 hour shifts every weekend at home. Oh, and if my shift is over at 7:00, I am out the door at 7:01. At home if your day was over at 5:00, that actually meant you would leave anywhere between the hours of 5:00 and 8:00.

2. No clinic. Well, very minimal clinic. We have approximately 4 half days a month in contract to the 4 half days a week at home. And along this same line, another pro is no Logician. Logician is the computer program we used to document notes from clinic. Much to my dismay, we could get Logician on our computers at home so we were expected to see all our patients and then go home and spend an hour or two writing our notes. At Parkland, you just handwrite a quick note in the chart after you see the patient so you never have to take your work home. Thank God.

3. No attendings (these are the old docs who are scary and yell at us). Seriously, I never see them. This pro is kind of a tricky one because it is sort of a plus and minus. At home the attendings were lurking around all the time. We had to check out every patient to an attending and they always knew when we did something wrong and were ready to rip us a new one. Here, they are never around which means that our 3rd and 4th year residents act like the attendings. Which basically means I am scared of all the 3rd and 4th year residents.

4. No dictation. Need I say more??

That’s a pretty good list. But of course with all those pros comes some cons.


1. More paperwork. I actually thought it would be impossible to have more paperwork than we had at home, but it is. To discharge a patient I have to fill out at least 10 forms. Just to order a pregnancy test I have to fill out and put stickers on 3 forms. It's ridiculous.

2. The nurses. Well, not that they aren’t nice people because they are, but they don’t help you do anything. They don’t even go in the room with me for an exam so I have to get out all my supplies myself and fill out all the paperwork myself. Which means my patient is sitting spread eagle with a metal thingy in her crotch for four times as long while I bumble around getting all my crap together.

3. Delivery in the operating room. At Parkland we do it old school style where the lady labors in one room and then when the baby’s head starts coming out I have to push her bed out of the labor room and wheel her back into the operating room and get her to scootch herself over to another bed all the while with a baby’s head hanging between her legs. Oh, and when I say “I wheel her back” I literally mean I have to do it, referring back to con #2. No jobs for medical techs here.

4. Vertical skin incisions for c-sections. What?? Ladies, how pissed would you be if you had a big ass scar from your belly button to your whoo-ha?? Especially when all your other girlfriends are looking fine in their bikinis on the beach.

5. And you guessed it.....the number 1 con of all. MEXICANS. I’ve never seen so many in my life. Not even when I was drunk in Mexico when I was 14. And if I don’t learn to speak Spanish pretty darn fast, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get the ax.

So there they are, my preliminary likes and dislikes. I’m not sure which list weighs heavier, even though the con list is a little longer. The pro list has some pretty important points on it.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Calling Dr. Phil.....

I’m homesick. Like....super homesick. I thought I was this open-minded, tough, cool, independent-type chick that would thrive in the big city. All this about me being a big timer stifled by small city living. What to the ev-er. I want to go home. And by “home,” I mean Columbia, South Carolina. Maybe it’s because I have no job. Which means I sit around all day worrying about when I will start working and then when I do start working, what is it going to be like. Or maybe its because I have no place to live. Which means I am stuck in this postage stamp of apartment surrounded by things that aren’t mine and wishing that I was back in my 1400 sq foot house with modern technologies and a showerhead that is high enough that I don’t have to take a shower on my knees. Or maybe, just maybe its because I have no friends. I miss friends. Friends are good. Speaking of having no friends....Yesterday I did something I have never done before. I went to the movie theater by myself. I have thought about doing it before but always chickened out. Once I even drove all the way to the theater and then turned right back around when I saw a line of like 20 people and became horrified at the thought of standing in line for 15 minutes by myself. Anywhoo, this time I made it all the way to the theater and actually got out of the car. I planned it so that I would get there after the previews had started so that I could inconspicuously slip in and sit at the end of a row. Well, somehow this ingenious plan totally backfired because by the time I got in theater, it was so incredibly packed that I had to crawl over 10 people in the dark to make it to the one seat still open for the loser that comes to the movies by themselves. I don’t even know what happened in the first 20 minutes of the movie because I couldn’t stop thinking about what a big loser the people around must have thought I was. Then I spent the rest of the movie being depressed because I chose to see the most depressing movie ever created. Note to blog-fans: Do not ever attempt to see “Atonement” on your first solo outing. Ugh. Anyways, after the movie was over I basically knocked over an old lady in order to get out there as fast as possible so I wouldn’t be recognized as the girl with no friends.

Well, whatever the reason, the fact still remains. I’m homesick. On a better you all know I have no TV right now so I have been single-handedly keeping the “TV on DVD” section of Blockbuster out of stock. I recently became addicted to a fabulous new TV show – WEEDS!! It’s great – check it out (unless you live in Dallas because if you do, then your local Blockbuster is fresh out. But then again, if you do, why the hell aren’t you hanging out with me instead of trying to watch Weeds?!?!).

I’ve attached a picture reminding me of a great time in my life when I did have friends. I’m lonely. Send me some love.

Friday, January 18, 2008

My New Life in Pics

Ok guys, I realize that I am behind on the blogging but it is not for lack of wanting to blog. My Texas medical license has not cleared yet so I can't start working until that happens. I was told to get out here as fast as possible because the powers that be thought that my license would go through quickly since I dont have a record and I didn't go to medical school in the Caribbean. Soooo...I drop everything and rush out here to sit on a couch in box of an apartment that belongs to someone else with no cable or internet. Sweet. Anyways, all this to say that I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

So, I decided to drive around this morning and take pics of some of my fave places so far in Dallas. By the by, I don't suggest driving around a big city at 8:30 AM (morning rush hour) trying to take pictures out the window of your car. At one point I pulled a Nicole Richie and didn't realize I was going the wrong way on a one way street.

Here is where I am currently residing. 600 sq feet, no internet, and one fuzzy TV station. I've never seen so many news shows in my life. I mean, who watches the news from 4 - 8 PM???Local news, national news, world news, local news, national news......

Here is where I want to live. Directly across the street from I'm living.

Hard to see, but this is the Katy Trail. It's a 3.5 mile path that runs through Uptown Dallas so that all the young professionals can have somewhere to get their jog on and walk their dogs. A lot of apartments back up to the Katy trail so you can walk out your back door and be ready to run. I've looked at a few and you can pretty much add $500 a month for the convenience.

BEST food place on earth - and only one in existence. Think - the prepared food section of Whole Foods /Fresh Market/Dean and Delucca all in a cool, dark atmosphere with loud music playing. I had a salad there the other day and I was expecting a run of the mill yada yada yada salad. But NO! This salad was something else. It mean, it was so good it didn't leave me with the usual "I wish I had had that sandwich" feeling. Yum.

Cute little restaurant around the corner from my apartment. Half priced bottles of wine and the best sparkling Sangria I've ever had.

Hope this is OK for now. I promise to blog the minute something happens in my life.


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Road Trip

Oh dear lord. I finally made it to Dallas late Sunday night after what seemed like an eternity of driving. Mapquest told me that the drive (1000 miles) was going to take 15.5 hours so I figured that it would take me around 13 or maaaaybe 14 hours knowing that Mapquest always calculates the trip time for someone traveling at the pace of a grandmother. Well, between the four thousand bathroom breaks, food stops, and pullovers to make sure my cat was still alive, it took me every minute of 15 hours. Boo.

I had called the vet before I left to find out about how to travel with Doc because I knew it was going to be an issue. The only traveling Doc has ever done is the 5 minute trips from my house to the vet's office and he meows the entire time. And not a normal meow, its like a dying meow. She told me that all I had to do was put him in a carrier in the back of my car, cover it up with a towel, and he would be fine. Well, the night before I left I made the huge mistake of looking up "traveling with a cat" on Google. Of course, there were all these horror stories about how cats get motion sick easily and barf all in the car, or meow the whole time or die or whatever. So I freak out and call my friend Julie who also has cats and travels a lot. She told me not to worry because she has some kitty Valium she can give me and all I have to do is give it to Doc before the trip and he will sleep through the whole thing. The next morning I wake up and crush up the pill and put it in some wet cat food. Normal, wet food is a treat and big fat fatty wolfs it down before I can even get it out of the can. Well, two hours pass and he hasn't touched the food because he has clearly figured out that I am trying to be sneaky and drug him. Well I have one more pill so I get my mom to strap him down with a towel so I can food it down his throat. After almost losing an eyeball and an ear, I give up on giving him the drugs and throw my unsedated (and now pissed off) cat in the back of the car.

He meowed for the first 20 minutes straight. He finally settled down and then didn't start meowing again until I got my first speeding ticket. He meowed again for about 20 minutes and then settled down. I drove for a few more hours and then stopped at Subway for lunch. I picked up a sammich, hopped back in the car, and bliss - didn't hear any meowing. Well, several more hours pass and I start to realized that I haven't heard a peep out of Doc for like 5 hours. Well, I get super stressed and start thinking all these morbid thoughts like how I could have put the towel too tight over the airholes and my cat has suffocated in the back of my car so I pull off the side of the road. With my heart beating like 200 times a minute, I lift the cover off the carrier and hear a little meow. Thank god I haven't killed the cat. Several more hours pass while I'm listening to my God awful book on tape when I start to smell a horrible stench in Monroe, Louisiana. They must have a paper mill or something in town but I once again start having all these morbid thoughts and convince myself that my cat has died in the back and this smell is him decomposing. Sooooo....I pull off the side of the road, lift up the cover heart-racing, and hear a little meow. Thank god, still haven't killed the cat.

Anywho, Doc and I made it to Dallas alive at around 11PM. Right now I am staying at a friend's 700 sq foot apt with no TV and no internet. So pretty much, I am living in a box. I am currently sitting in a Starbucks downt he street typing up this blog. Which, by the way, I have typed twice because I didn't realize that my internet connection had died and once I hit "post" it sent me to a screen to sign on to the internet and I freaked out when I realized all my blog was gone. Ugh.

So, I am loving Dallas so far. There are cute little wine shops and eateries on every corner and all the shopping I could ever imagine. I am scheduled to start work on Monday but I don't know if that is going to happen because my Texas medical license has not cleared yet. And after last ngiht I am not sure I ever want to start. Me and some of the other interns met up for happy and I found out that they are southpaw haters here and make everyone operate right-handed. Little do they know my right hand is so non-functional that I could have lived my entire life without a right arm and would be none the wiser. If they make me operate right-handed I can guarantee you some poor pregnant lady is going to end up with a baby still inside her and minus some other important body part.

Til next time....

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


Ok, I'm not usually one to make New Year's Resolutions but this year I am resolving to revive the blog. I just happened upon the blog yesterday while I was wasting my life away facebooking and remembered how much I loved the blog and how much joy it brought me (and others, I suppose). I had some awesome blog-fans who left super witty comments that made me laugh even while re-reading them 6 months later. Soooo...I am hereby resolving to post a new blog weekly, or at least every other week. Like most other Americans I have a pretty poor track record with the ole New Year's Resolutions, but by God I am going to make this one work. I think I have only made 2 of them in the past 8-10 years. My most recent one was about 3 years ago. While Susanj, Jodie, Melissa, and I were having a post New Year's Eve hangover lunch at Harper's I confidently stated that was going to be less critical towards others, you know, like a nicer person. Well wouldn't you know it, right as we were leaving the restaurant I spotted a girl crossing the street who had made the poorest choice in sunglasses that it would have been a crime against fashion for me not to have commented on them. And that was the end of that resolution. The only other resolution that comes to mind was while I was in college and I made a resolution to learn more about sports. I'm pretty sure everyone who reads (or used to read) this blog knows that I am extremely sports knowledge challenged. So, I had my friends start giving me a sports fact of the day. You know, the easy stuff, like...the Dallas Cowboys are a football team and Babe Ruth played baseball. Well, that lasted for all of a week before I got annoyed with people quizzing me about my stupid sports facts and I went back to just appreciating sporting events for the beer and hot dogs. All this to say that while I have not made good on my past resolutions, I am going to make a concerted effort this year to stick to this one. So all of you can go ahead and have the blog streamed back in to your PDAs.

I should have a lot to blog about because if you haven't heard yet, I'm moving to DALLAS!!! Yes, the city of big hair and brass buckles. I think I should fit in well because I already like brass buckles, and if any of you have seen me right after I blow-dry my hair, you know I also already have big hair. I just tame it down a bit with a little gift from God I call the Chi. I'll be transferring to the University of Texas-Southwestern program at Parkland Hospital. Good new is, I won't be losing any time in my residency. Yippee! I think it is about time for a major change in my life, and if you will recall from a previous blog I think that for the past 27 years I have been a big city girl trapped in a small town (well, more like a medium sized city). So, the hizzy is for sale and now that I am a high roller and all I bought myself a super new tricked out phatty ride with all the trimmings. I'm gonna pack up the new ride with all my clothes and my puss and drive out to Texas on January 6th - holy crap that's only 5 days from now! Then once my house sells, my mom and aunt are gonna pack up everything, rent a U-haul, and Thelma and Louise it out to Dallas. I'm super excited and would love to have any of my blog-fans come visit me in the big city. Word on the street is the shopping in Dallas is second only to NYC. Ok, that's all for now. I promise to blog again before the week is up.


p.s. if anyone is looking for an awesome 3br house in the ecclectic Rosewood area of Columbia, I've got one in mind.

UPDATE 1/2/08 5:00 PM

Well, now I see how ANTM can be so difficult. I took approximately 25 pics to come up with this, my most model-y pose. Please note the orangetastic interior, in honor of my beloved alma mater.