Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Road Trip

Oh dear lord. I finally made it to Dallas late Sunday night after what seemed like an eternity of driving. Mapquest told me that the drive (1000 miles) was going to take 15.5 hours so I figured that it would take me around 13 or maaaaybe 14 hours knowing that Mapquest always calculates the trip time for someone traveling at the pace of a grandmother. Well, between the four thousand bathroom breaks, food stops, and pullovers to make sure my cat was still alive, it took me every minute of 15 hours. Boo.

I had called the vet before I left to find out about how to travel with Doc because I knew it was going to be an issue. The only traveling Doc has ever done is the 5 minute trips from my house to the vet's office and he meows the entire time. And not a normal meow, its like a dying meow. She told me that all I had to do was put him in a carrier in the back of my car, cover it up with a towel, and he would be fine. Well, the night before I left I made the huge mistake of looking up "traveling with a cat" on Google. Of course, there were all these horror stories about how cats get motion sick easily and barf all in the car, or meow the whole time or die or whatever. So I freak out and call my friend Julie who also has cats and travels a lot. She told me not to worry because she has some kitty Valium she can give me and all I have to do is give it to Doc before the trip and he will sleep through the whole thing. The next morning I wake up and crush up the pill and put it in some wet cat food. Normal, wet food is a treat and big fat fatty wolfs it down before I can even get it out of the can. Well, two hours pass and he hasn't touched the food because he has clearly figured out that I am trying to be sneaky and drug him. Well I have one more pill so I get my mom to strap him down with a towel so I can food it down his throat. After almost losing an eyeball and an ear, I give up on giving him the drugs and throw my unsedated (and now pissed off) cat in the back of the car.

He meowed for the first 20 minutes straight. He finally settled down and then didn't start meowing again until I got my first speeding ticket. He meowed again for about 20 minutes and then settled down. I drove for a few more hours and then stopped at Subway for lunch. I picked up a sammich, hopped back in the car, and bliss - didn't hear any meowing. Well, several more hours pass and I start to realized that I haven't heard a peep out of Doc for like 5 hours. Well, I get super stressed and start thinking all these morbid thoughts like how I could have put the towel too tight over the airholes and my cat has suffocated in the back of my car so I pull off the side of the road. With my heart beating like 200 times a minute, I lift the cover off the carrier and hear a little meow. Thank god I haven't killed the cat. Several more hours pass while I'm listening to my God awful book on tape when I start to smell a horrible stench in Monroe, Louisiana. They must have a paper mill or something in town but I once again start having all these morbid thoughts and convince myself that my cat has died in the back and this smell is him decomposing. Sooooo....I pull off the side of the road, lift up the cover heart-racing, and hear a little meow. Thank god, still haven't killed the cat.

Anywho, Doc and I made it to Dallas alive at around 11PM. Right now I am staying at a friend's 700 sq foot apt with no TV and no internet. So pretty much, I am living in a box. I am currently sitting in a Starbucks downt he street typing up this blog. Which, by the way, I have typed twice because I didn't realize that my internet connection had died and once I hit "post" it sent me to a screen to sign on to the internet and I freaked out when I realized all my blog was gone. Ugh.

So, I am loving Dallas so far. There are cute little wine shops and eateries on every corner and all the shopping I could ever imagine. I am scheduled to start work on Monday but I don't know if that is going to happen because my Texas medical license has not cleared yet. And after last ngiht I am not sure I ever want to start. Me and some of the other interns met up for happy and I found out that they are southpaw haters here and make everyone operate right-handed. Little do they know my right hand is so non-functional that I could have lived my entire life without a right arm and would be none the wiser. If they make me operate right-handed I can guarantee you some poor pregnant lady is going to end up with a baby still inside her and minus some other important body part.

Til next time....


SC misses you said...

Your drive sounds hellacious. Two questions:
1) Why in the world would they make you operate right-handed?
2) Have you seen Jessica Simpson?

susan j said...

I am sure no one will force you to do anything right-handed, if being a righty were a prerequisite they would have mentioned it already.
In your pre-work boredom, maybe you could make up games for yourself. Like, park yourself on a bench somewhere and count the number of cowboy hats or pickup trucks you see in one hour. Bonus points if they belong to the same person.
Glad you made it safely!

lindsay said...

I'm glad you made it to the Lone Star State safely...and with a cat nonetheless. My two dogs get motion sickness when we take them on drives, so the one time we took them to Jeremy's family in Ohio the doc gave them some tranquilizers. Let me tell you, two stoned dogs are quite the funny site, but it was very necessary.

Hope you're having fun!

The HLM said...

I'm glad you and the meanest kitty made it safely to Dallas and I CANNOT wait to come visit in the spring. Would anyone like to begin placing bets on how long it will take Jessie to convince me to abandon the Big Apple for Texas? It does sound like my kind of city...

Anonymous said...

First speeding ticket??

Sarah said...

First speeding ticket??

kev said...

For accurate directions, use Google Maps.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you (you. That does not necessarily include Doc) made it to Dallas okay, even if you still haven't called me back. Ahem.

Hope everything is good and that your first day goes well tomorrow.

Miss you!

Mel said...

Dammit, that message right above this was me. Mel.

righthandedstoopie said...

OK, so I think I have rigged a way to use my cell phone as a modem so that I can get on the internet at home. yippee!

In response to some of the comments:
1. No, I haven't seen Jessica Simpson yet, but word on the street is that she was here this weekend for the game on Sunday. Don't worry, I'll use my savvy stalking stills to find her.
2. Yes, they are definitely making me operate right-handed. I had a "skills test" today which went horribly. I looked like I had some kind of disorder.
3. I managed to drive 15 hours and only get one speeding ticket!
4. Mel, I did call you back fool.
5. Happy Birfday Susanj!
6. I have noticed the lack of the brothaman and my dear ole sis on the site. Ya'll out there???

blair said...

Hello, so glad that you and Satan made it safely! As a fellow southpaw, I am shocked at this blatant act of discrimination! What the f? Oh and is Kev a fellow blogger or was that spam blog? Just wondering. Call me bitch! I have news.

blair said...

Dude, what the hell? I know that you don't have a computer and all but I need some internet entertainment! I keep going to this damn site and still nothing! I'm going to need an update blog or you're going to lose this blog follower!

Sis said...

Brothaman & Sis are here. The Boo has been in England working for 2 weeks (as you know). We will make sure to visit more often & leave comments.

Ok - the story about the trip & "satan kitty" or as Jay calls him "scary kitty" is just as funny the second tme around. You are too funny. I can only imagine how you were feeling.

Glad you made it safely & I'm looking forward to all of the blog updates in the progress in Dallas!

As I hear it, the city of Dallas hates Jessica Simpson as they are blaming Tony Romo's (The Dallas Cowboys - the football team - QB - that's quaterback! : ) )
poor performance as of late on Jessica Simpson. She may need a friend! I'll look forward to seeing your pic in US Weekly.

And...to the HLM - I've been checing the Coke internal job postings for anything in Dallas (and NYC for that matter), no such luck. I'll keep ya posted.

Love you.

Brothaman is back said...

Ok - a few things here. Nice to see that just about everyone hates the evil kitty and it's not just me.

You commented that you drove 15 hours and only got one speeding ticket. I hear the words of Chris Rock talking about being proud of things you shouldn't be proud of "I ain't never been to jail"... "Nigga, you ain't supposed to go to jail".

Dallas sounds great... unfortunately, one of the rules for living in Colorado is that we must hate all Texans - you guys come here - can't drive, definitely can't ski and insist on wearing jeans and cowboy hats while doing it. When you visit, we're still gonna tell people you are from SC.

And finally, what's Blair's news?