Thursday, May 17, 2007

Doc the Cockblock


Just want to give a shout out to all the blog-fans who kept the blog alive by commenting TWICE as much as the goal of 16 comments. Whoa.

One of my friends was telling me the other day about how her dog is such a cockblock. First of all, just hearing that word made me laugh, and then threw me back to all those nights in college when your roommate or your suitemate or that pain in the ass friend ended up being a total cockblock whenever you were trying to get some play. I even dated a guy for 3 years in college whose nickname was "CB" which stood for "the cockblocker." Not a nickname anyone would strive for. Apparently, he had the uncanny ability to walk in a room at exactly the wrong minute and disrupt any would be play. Unfortunately, this particular person had many other less than ideal nicknames. Fortunately, CB does not read the blog. Anyways, my friend told me that her and her male friend were hanging out on the couch getting a little smooch on when her 70lb dog jumped up on the couch and started barking directly in the guy's face. The dog was clearly not happy with this man getting a little frisky with his mom. So they decided to move to the bedroom and shut the door. Well, this solved nothing as the dog stood outside the door and barked for the next hour or so. Nothing kills a romantical evening like a barking labrador retriever. The next day, my friend (who I'm sure you have figured out the identity of by now) had me over for dinner and told me "God, my dog is such a cockblock."

I am sure most of you know my angelic little pussycat Doc. Well maybe not so much of a little angel and more of a big fat bitch. He is an angel to me, but pretty much Satan in the flesh to everyone else. When I first got him from the shelter he was teeny tiny and looked like he was about to die at any minute. It appears that after a few weeks of spoon feeding him wet cat food, he just never stopped eating because he is enormous. I'm not talking just another fat cat. He is definitely the size of a medium sized dog and his belly drags the ground when he walks.

Anyways, Doc is also a total cockblock. He doesn't follow in the footsteps of the aforementioned dog and meow my male friends to death though. He actually tries to castrate them. His favorite room in the house by far is the bathroom. Anytime someones heads for the bathroom, he's headed that way too. For such an enormous cat, he is lightning quick when it comes to getting in the bathroom. My male friends say they don't even know he's in there until they start doing their business and then get attacked by claws coming at their manhood. I am not sure if it is the stream or the actual frank, but my cat tries to castrate all men in the bathroom. Men beware if you ever come to my house. Satan lurks in the bathroom.

All this to say, if you are a single person out there looking for some love, think twice before getting a pet. You may have inadvertently let a total cockblock into your house.

17 comments:

susan j said...

OK, so this particular blog, while funny, did not really inspire any comments in my mind. Yet here I am, leaving a comment, because a) I get to be the first one, and b) based on your previously expressed sentiments I now feel pressured to do so.

I believe the technical term here would be "just damn."

-jessie said...

Even though the blog lacks inspiration, thanks for commenting anyway. I needed a hold-over blog til the crawfish festival this weekend.

I went back and added in a secret shoutout. Read again and see if you can pick up on it.

Elizabeth Ballentine said...

OK, so I am obviously a little slow on the uptake, but congratulations on your gradumucation!! Did you graduate on the horseshow also? I had to concentrate very hard to make sure I didn't trip and fall while crossing the stage, b/c we all know how clumsy I am and that if anyone would, it would be me. So now that we are doctors and lawyers, surely we won't do immature things such as get cut off in restaurants, right?

susan j said...

OK, found the shoutout... LOL... totally forgot that CB was one of his multiple nicknames...

Mel said...

Doc is a fatass. Surprisingly, his eyes aren't glowing quite as much like Satan as they are in every other picture I've ever seen of him.

And I see Stitch in the background :-)

jessie said...

I second that emotion. The first two things I noticed in the pic were also the lack of Satan eyes and Stitch in the background.

Note to all potential mates: that brown leg in the background belongs to my teddy bear, Stitch. Yes, I sleep with a stuffed animal now and will for the rest of my life. I promise I'm not a freak though.

said dog's mom said...

First, inaccuracies must be straightened out before being published on the blog, because while exaggerating adds entertainment value, in this case it is way off.
But more importantly, Doc is an equal opportunity bastard, preying not just on men but people who aren't you in general.
Looking forward to the Crawfish Festival!

Ryan said...

who knew that cats had such violent penis envy?

Chris said...

Sorry this is a little late, but are you seriously shaming people into commenting on your blog after being eMIA for years? That's terrible. Tell ya what, I'll comment again when you start hitting reply-all in response to one of the gazillion emails I send to everyone. Until then, Clapp out!

jessie said...

i gotta say...why ya'll be hatin'??

raji said...

No need to be hatin'... twinkle twinkle, baby, twinkle twinkle...

becoolfan said...

OK, whoever claims to be raji must reveal themself because that is one of my most favoritest lines from a movie ever, and you deserve mad props.

susan j said...

yeah, it was me. =)

al said...

girl, even when you're about to get married and the couple bought a pet TOGETHER, they still don't want you to get play. for rizzle. pets are just posessive.

Sis said...

Where to begin? First - I went back to finish reading the comments from last blog & just damn. I have to give props to Shereef for not stabbing you for your description of him!

I also have to give a shout out to Susan J because she just cracks me up!! Jay & I missed seeing you at graduation!! : )

Now, on to comments about the Doc, or as Boo Boo & I refer to him "SCARY KITTY"...I do have to say that he may be the scariest kitty ever! And I agree with HLM that he is an equal opportunity hater. Just by the mere fact that we have to run as quickly as possible into the guest room & close the door as tight as possible so as not to find Scary Kitty in the bed with us is CRAZY. And, how many times must we have you call him to get him the hell out of our room/suitcases?

I am also quite sure that he has had a field day with our totthburushes that we so stupidly leave out on the counter in the bathroom. Oh - and - he is quite smart I must say, since there have been times that I have left the VERY hot curling iron on on the counter in hopes that he might get a little too curious, but no such luck!

If we could get Doc to be like the Doodle, I can guarantee you'd have no cockblock issues, as everyone - yes - including guys - love the Doodle! :)

Signing off for now! Looking forward to the Crawfish Festival Blog! Can't wait to see what drama transpired there! : )

Love you tons!

Scary kitty hater said...

Ah yes, reading the blog it was quite easy to identify "Friend A".

Although the rhyming is cute in the title of this one, I think "My P**sy is a cockblock" would have been funnier!

imanangel said...

I think people who don't even know friend A have figured out who it is. Muhahaahhahaha.

And yes, just damn, "My P*ssy is a Cockblock" would have been much funnier, but this is a family blog you pervie.