Thursday, June 14, 2007

Lovin' the Dirty South

Being in ATL for the past few days definitely affirmed one suspicion that I had about myself....I am TOO BIG for South Carolina. I mean, I was created to live the fast paced city life and am saddened to think that I have been stifled for the past 26 years in country bumpkin South Kakalakey. It was so awesome to just walk out the door of Ryan's apartment and be in the middle of all things happening...awesome shops, restaurants, bars, name it and it was right there. Even the gym next to his place is a cooler gym than mine with an even cooler name, Urban Body Fitness. I want to workout there. I feel like I have been trying to get out of SC basically since I was old enough to realize that you can get out of SC, and I just can't seem to get it done. WTF?? Clemson had to offer me a full ride, then I had to go to med school, then I had to not match in any of the awesome cities I wanted move to. The forces are really workin' again me here. And since I can't seem to get out, I make a motion that all of my blog-fans move to fun and exciting cities so I can at least go visit you there. Capesh?

I got to ATL around 4:30 (should have been 3:45 but I got stuck in one of the few drawbacks of big cities - traffic) and after checking in on the blog and facebook, Ryan and I headed out to my old stompin' grounds. My sister went to college in Atlanta what seems like a hundred million years ago but was actually when I was around the ages of 8-12. While she was there I discovered the area in Atlanta called Little Five Points. We have a Five Points in Columbia, but Little Five Points is nothing like it and back when I was 12 I thought it was the coolest place that could possibly exist on Earth. It is where all the freaks in the city hang out, playing their slit your wrist music while openly selling and using their hallucinogenic drugs. I remember a time back when I was about 11 years old that a guy on the street asked me if I wanted to buy some ex and after telling my dad about the whole incident, we just continued on our merry way. WTF?? I mean for rizzle now, shouldn't my dad have yanked me out of there so fast I thought I was seeing double?? I don't think any of my current blog-fans knew me in middle school, but Little Five Points is where I bought all the black and white striped thigh highs and neon green skirts I used to wear. Anyways, after walking down memory lane for a little while Ryan and I headed over to a an Italian restaurant called Osteria for some eats. I highly recommend it the next time you go to ATL because it was affordable and just like the food I had over in Italy...oh, and it just happened to be half price bottle of wine night. Yippee! Next we headed over to Pozole for some of the best margaritas I've had in my entire life and I guess it was around margarita number 2 when I started talkin smack to Ryan. For some reason I decided to tell him that I could totally school him at a game of pool and before I knew what hit me, I found myself at a new bar with a pool stick in my hand. For those of you who have played pool with me, you know that I absolutely cannot school anyone at pool, not even my cat Doc. They always say that the drunker you get, the better you get at pool, but I I don't know who those people are because the drunker I got, the more times I whiffed the ball. I was taking a good four to five shots before I even hit the cue ball. So the picture you see of me with my shoes off in a dirty bar (ewww) where it appears that I might be about to win the game, is actually an optical illusion as I did not win any games in any normal or acceptable fashion. I would normally feel really bad for how horribly I was playing, however, sadly Ryan was not that much better. Sorry Bello. Even worse, there was some kind of championship tournament going on at the table directly beside us with people who can actually play pool. Yeah, they hated us.

You may recall, the next day was going to be our day of trivia and moneymaker shakin. After Ryan willingly carried my bags around Lenox Square for a few hours and after we caught up on Season 2 of Arrested Development for a few more hours, we headed over to this bar called Locals for a night of trivia. After stressing over a team name for a few minutes (since this is the most important and humorous part of trivia) we agreed upon the name Twin Peaks. In my opinion the funniest team name of the night went to "Paris Hilton is back in jail and the guards are cumming." Despite the fact that the questions were much easier than I am used to (who doesn't know that "Cleveland Rocks" is the theme song for The Drew Carey Show??), Twin Peaks came in at a disappointing 7th place. Alas, we needed the rest of Substance P. Trivia was over at around 10 PM and Ryan informed me that the dance club did not open until friggin' midnight. WTF?? Well, I was already tired from the night before so I fell asleep at approximately 10:01 PM and did not end up shakin my tailfeather or moneymaker or pretty much anything. I suck.

That was the trip in a nutshell. Tomorrow morning I am off to the booming metropolis of Dayton, Ohio to see Julie and Jon get hitched and will be back Sunday evening. In the words of Dave Atell and repeated to me by Clapp, "I went to Dayton, Ohio, recently. Know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck out, that's what." Can't wait!



dr. j said...

I failed to mention in the blog that not only did I not have time to blog or facebook while I was there, but I also did not find a dress to wear to the wedding. Guess I'll be wearing my birfday suit!

Sis said...

Hey. I get to be the first person to comment. Finally! You don't count since it is your own damn blog! : )

Sounds like Atl was fun. With a ton to do. And, I'm sure the floor of the bar was still cleaner than the streets of Florence for going barefoot - YUCK! Sure do wish you were delivering my baby! With those great hygiene habits & all.

Seriously, no dress? In Atlanta? What about the cute black one you already have? I'm thinking the biggest drawback to the birfday suit is the bug bites! : )

And before I sign off - the wonderful skills of shooting pool must run in the family. I suck somethin' awful! And, randomly, I shoot left handed!!! Go figure.

Have a blast in Dayton!

Love ya sis!

Anonymous said...

Does birmingham, AL qualify as an awesome city???

Kimberly said...

I had no idea Atlanta could be so exciting. You should get up to see me in Boston before I move! I'm still waiting for the blog about the incredible time you had in Dayton. Seven hours of free drinks should have given you plenty of material. And your dress was gorgeous, although your birthday suit would have been much more comfortable considering the lack of a/c.

miss priss said...

YAY for Kimberly commenting on the blog! You're gonna think I'm a crazy because I have told everyone here about finding my new BFF this past weekend. And not to worry, today is the day for the Dayton update....and there is much to say.

Suses said...

Ok, I've now been at work all week without a blog update to read. What kind of crap is this?

-jessie said...

so sorry suses, just don't read the new one til you get back to work on monday morning!

BrothaMan said...

First - just keepin it real - it's "The ATL" not "ATL"- pretty much no matter when or how you use it. You may ask "why" - it's just how we do!

2nd - your theory about everything in the world conspiring to keep you in SC is quite comical. Not enough room in this comment space for my diatribe on every person's current position in life is the summation of past choices. So, I'll just sum it up by saying two words: Personal Responsibility.

Third (and finally) - I think you misunderstood the concept of getting better at pool while drinking - it doesn't apply when you are already 'faced before you start!

BrothaMan said...

Sorry - left out one thing - glad to know you are recognizing that you are rolling in to the "old people" category. When PJs and TV sound much more appealing that dress and shots at a bar, you know you're getting there - welcome to the club.